You Light My World

I love Oprah.
There I said it.

That admits to being both a closet daytime TV addict, and a fan of tear jerking, soppy, inspirational real-life stories. I wish we had Oprah in the UK. Don't know how the stiff upper lipped brits would take to her over the top antics. But I still like it. I don't think Trisha would even be able to give her a run for her money.

I remember watching Oprah since waaaaay back, and it scared me, when she did her 20th anniversary special, that I had actually been watching enough Oprah through the years to go... "Hey I remember that old episode!"

Doh.

But it is amazing how she is able to touch so many lives, encourage, heal and even address social issues through her show. Granted, sometimes in a very hollywood-ish way, and the cynic in me still wonders whether it is true, but it is all still very endearing. One of the shows that I remember from years ago, I think possibly when I was 13, was when she said this phrase...

"Do your eyes light up when your child walks into the room?"

Of course, it was a discussion on parenting. But as a kid then, it resonated so much within me, that hey, I even put it as a signature at the end of my emails for a period of time. And it does make me think, how many times do my parents' eyes light up when I walk in. Or how do my eyes light up? Who do they light up to?

Maybe its time we sat to re-examine ourselves. How often do our eyes light up? Who do they light up to? Do we make the effort to give that sparkle? Its a great feeling to receive the special glint, and maybe when we realise how dear and precious that feeling is, we'd make more of that effort to help others feel the same.

Superheros and Second Thoughts

I think I know how it feels to be a superhero.
Not that I have any inclination of making it my sovereign duty to save the world and protect it from evil wiles.

Its more bcause I know what it feels like to lead a double life. Almost.
And I'm not enjoying it one bit. I'd rather give up my superpowers (If I had any to begin with).

Its been 3 weeks into a 4 week "elected" elective in the local hospital. I just decided to take 4 weeks out of my loooong (final) summer holiday to see what it would be like working back in Singapore. Done completely aside from academic requirements, in hopes that it would better help me make my decision as to whether to return to SG or stay in UK for further training. I'm nowhere near to making that decision yet. But there have been things that I've been made to think about over these past 3 weeks.

One of which is how I've been a pseudo Jekyll and Hyde. And I'm not quite liking it.

I've never been quite comfortable in the hospital context. Maybe that takes a long while of getting used to. Some medical students handle it easier than others. Blame it on my hangups and insecurities, but I still feel like scum of the earth and a headless chicken in the hospital. Part of me wonders whether I was built for this at all. My personality changes in the hospital. And this became more evident when I had to return to work after a weekend camp for Imperial freshers from Singapore. After a hiatus of slipping into the crazy, confident, whacky, neurotic, loud and fun me; the minute I stepped into the ward, I morphed into the quiet, awkward, insecure and dumb ole me.

However, on reflection, those Jekyll and Hyde traits are ALL part of my personality. My crazy side is as much a part of me as my awkward side. It just seemed like I'd swung fron one extreme to another. But that really does make me who I am, the entire package (including the propensity to be extreme). But thinking about it, if my job causes me to consistently maintain that moody and depressed state, then maybe it isn't the right job for me. Maybe I should have chosen teaching.

But hasn't God given me this genuine interest in medicine? I don't see myself doing anything else. Why can't I be that very same enthusiastic, passionate, happy and neurotic person in the hospital as I am outside. I suppose I'm in the process of learning to develop my "work-self". But there should be consistencies shouldn't there? I reckon the hardest thing in life is to remain consistent in all our relationships, all aspects. That is, to act the same around everyone. Granted, we have different roles in our different relationships with people, mother, daughter, student, colleague, friend - but there has to be a thread of commonality and consistency that runs through it. Otherwise, we'd just end up being hypocrites.

I don't want to be such.

Water

You know how it feels like.

There is just so much that hasn't been said. And by the time you get to a point where things have to be said, you wade through the vast sea of emotions and memories, and realise that you don't know where to start. And then you just don't say anything at all.

My blog currently feels like that.

Perpetual apologies for not having updated in the past 2 months. Even my flooble chatterbox automatically shut itself down. And now I can even hear the crickets chirping in the distance.

Too many things have been siphoning off my creative energy these past few months, and the experiences and rewards I have reaped have been tremendous. I will try to keep on looking back and sharing about this most fruitful summer I have had, that you may learn and ponder through my adventures as well =)

So just an encouragement for all those who have been feeling tired, drained or worned out as I have been. Just as not drinking for awhile gets you thirsty, and not eating for a day makes you really hungry; don't agonise and beat yourself up for not having spent time with our Lord, the source of living water and our daily bread.
Just take time to stop, drink and eat.
He knows we are hungry and thirsty, and promises to fill.

Be filled dear friends.