IF

People often ask whether I'd consider studying anything other than medicine.

Often I say no. I mean it, I love learning about the human body, drugs and diseases etc... Sometimes, I reckon that the joy I derive from studying is the only thing that keeps me going in this course. Ok I admit. I am a nerd.

However, deep down, all too often, my answer is, "yeah... but only IF..."
IF only I had better artistic talent.
IF only I looked better physically.
IF only I could sing better.
IF only I could actually play a musical instrument well.
If only... then I would have taken a different path in life.

Makes me enter covetous mode. Its especially difficult to get out of, for there will always be people who have personalities/styles/talents better than myself. I usually end up in a whirlpool of despair, which I have often fallen into before. This sounds absolutely silly, especially for all you self-assured (or talented) people out there, but I'm sure this would strike a chord with at least a good bunch.

So here's the deal: I'm learning about contentment. Sounds like a simple silly lesson, but I don't think I'm the only one finding it tough to learn. I realise that by not nipping these "seemingly silly and immature" issues in the bud, the IF disease could take hold of the bigger issues in life, like, IF only I had that car, IF only I had that job, IF only I were married... IF IF IF... And I would end up as one unhappy puppy.

Contentment was something the apostle Paul learned and wrote about. No he didn't have the most cushy of lives, but yet he could say "I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need" [Philippians 4:11-12]. And the secret of that contentment? He goes on to say in Philippians 4:13; I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Someone recently helped me reinforce this lesson of contentment. After I had foolishly given the "if-only" answer to the above question, a wise friend replied with, "Well imagine the number of people that think... If only I had the opportunity to study medicine, or if only I were smart enough..." That was rebuke enough! Firstly, I realised that studying medicine wasn't that big a deal, personally. And if anyone thought studying medicine was "that great a deal", I would beg to differ. The grass always looks greener on the other side no?

Secondly, and more importantly, I realised how foolish it was to be grappling after other things, when God has graciously placed me in the position I am in. And I possibly was never thankful enough that I am in such a position. How silly. =/ Instead I hankered after the "if-only"s in my life. Desiring the fading, transient things of creation instead of worshipping and thanking the Creator with what He has given me. How foolish I am, in thinking that getting these would make me a better/more well loved/more secure person.

No... I'm not expecting a million comments to come pouring in and gushing about "Oh but you are such a fantastic person... you don't have to think that way" That would be false humility on my part if I expected that. Rather, I pray that you may truly find your identity in Christ, instead of your physical capabilities, just as I am learning to do. So that even if this all fades away in an instant, your assurance lies in the identity being the child of the one true, unchanging, living God.

Job 1:21b The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.

That being said. I think we should all stop trawling through friendster. Ain't good.