CV Sniffers

I'm not here to make my CV look good.

I just can't.
I didn't get to where I am because of my charm or influence.
I'm here because of God's grace despite my stupidity.

Strange that everything that I have been choosing to do all my life, has never been good enough to be reflected on black and white. Silly me.
No ECA marks scored.
No PEARLS points awarded.
No mention in a glowing CV.
Not counted in an F1 application.
Not of interest to future employers.
Not enough relevant information to fill the 15cm x 6cm blank.

UGH.

Part of me is frustrated with myself, for not being plotting and scheming enough to chalk up enough brownie points, to make myself look good to the world around me. I know some people who have been doing so since they were 12.

What do I have to prove?
Why do I need to prove it?
Who do I really need to prove it to?

Thinks: "If I can't prove it, then I won't get an opportunity to do something, which would potentially look nice on my CV, which would therefore help me get the next opportunity that rolls along...."
Which then gets me trapped in the dreadful cycle.

Its not like I am dying to be part of it, I hate it. And I would much rather NOT be in it. But how else can our shallow, impersonal, distant society judge people at a flash of an eye, instantaneously, and therefore determine their worth. Ok fine. Take the utilitarian side and say thats the only way we can use our resources well, don't be so idealistic eda, i'm sure you'd do fine making a cup of fine coffee for the arrogant CV bulking twat next door.

Ok we can be idealistic, and say, forget what other people say etc etc. Just do what you enjoy. You don't have to prove to anyone. Who am I kidding. With that attitude, how am I ever gonna surivive the big bad world out there? How am I gonna get ahead? How am I gonna get a job?

howhowhow?

I've decided then. I'll BE idealistic. I know that I don't have to prove anything to anyone. Because the ultimate judge who demands the proof in heaven, has already gotten it through Jesus. He is the only one who really cares about what I'm worth, and who determined my worth, by His death. The best thing? He is the ruler and creator of this cynical fallen world, and He is still in control of it. And for that, even if my CV ain't the bulkiest and glowiest around, I know that He's pulling the biggest strings in heaven to get me where HE wants. Which is infinitely better.

Thank God for that.