Thanksgiving

Yup exams are finally over. Just one more hurdle left to cross.
Can only give thanks to God for all that He has helped me through, and it was Him alone that sustained me.

Apolgies for not blogging in a long time, cessation of entertainment =P You can do with abit less of eda sometimes. yeah. really.

God is truly faithful, and none better experienced than when meeting Him daily each morning before each exam, with an assurance, though hard to feel, but real and affirming in my head. Also I give thanks for all the wonderful gems of friends that he has provided all around me =)

I give thanks for all....
the awesome brothers that sustain me with grub every evening
the fantastic mates that keep on texting me before each exam
the amazing prayer warriors who have been interceeding relentlessly
the concerned doods that load me up with anti-kermit drinks
the strange neighbours that make sure I don't fall asleep revising
and even the good ole reliable alarm that gets me up in the morning =)

Thanks all you guys, for really truly showing me what God's grace tangibly is. We will now await the results on the 23rd of June...
-shudder-

And now to catch up on the OC (yeah yeah nothing better to do) and some goooood fat sleep that I've been losing over this past week.

God bless ya all!

Motivation to clean-up?

I just said the oddest thing to a friend.
[the context : just after having taken a shower]
"I reckon I'm the nicest smelling thing in my room now"

Yup. Welcome to warzone.
If anyone sees me online, you're welcome to have a peek via webcam. Aren't you glad they haven't invented smell-o-vision?

OK I'm exaggerating as usual. But it really is in quite a mess. Quite a sight. I think another friend who had the "privilege" of a quick view actually said, "Whoa... are you in the midst of moving?"

Its that bad. And I wonder why I'm announcing it to the world.
Maybe we should have a "my room is the messiest during exam time" competition.

Accepting entries now.
My room stands unchallenged at this point in time.

I think its pretty artistic. But thats my opinion of course.
Yes Mom... I'll clear it soon. Soon.
[just in case people thought my blog was getting pretty boring without pictures. tada!]

Delayed Cringe Reaction 2

I was determined not to complain about my life situations here.
So much for determination.
I'm bored of studying!! And I haven't even done that much yet.

I reckon the greatest stress/boredom relief I have is singing.
I just pity the people around me who have to put up with it

-cringe-

Whilst happily belting it out in the shower one day, oblivious to the world around me, my acoustically perfect fantasy world was suddenly interrupted.

"Eda, is that you?"
"yeaaaah..."

"Oh, I thought it was you singing, just decided to come up and check"
"Why?"

"Coz I heard you singing from downstairs"
"!"
"Yeah I could hear you through the pipes"

-cringe-

I'm not sure why the fresher on the ground floor [mind you I live on the 3rd] made the effort to come all the way up. Was he just a) merely being inquisitive, b) annoyed with the turbulent water flow and couldn't have a proper shower or c) absolutely traumatised by the singing that he had to stop his shower halfway.

I forgot to ask. In the meantime, I think the pipes continued to howl.

-cringe-

IF

People often ask whether I'd consider studying anything other than medicine.

Often I say no. I mean it, I love learning about the human body, drugs and diseases etc... Sometimes, I reckon that the joy I derive from studying is the only thing that keeps me going in this course. Ok I admit. I am a nerd.

However, deep down, all too often, my answer is, "yeah... but only IF..."
IF only I had better artistic talent.
IF only I looked better physically.
IF only I could sing better.
IF only I could actually play a musical instrument well.
If only... then I would have taken a different path in life.

Makes me enter covetous mode. Its especially difficult to get out of, for there will always be people who have personalities/styles/talents better than myself. I usually end up in a whirlpool of despair, which I have often fallen into before. This sounds absolutely silly, especially for all you self-assured (or talented) people out there, but I'm sure this would strike a chord with at least a good bunch.

So here's the deal: I'm learning about contentment. Sounds like a simple silly lesson, but I don't think I'm the only one finding it tough to learn. I realise that by not nipping these "seemingly silly and immature" issues in the bud, the IF disease could take hold of the bigger issues in life, like, IF only I had that car, IF only I had that job, IF only I were married... IF IF IF... And I would end up as one unhappy puppy.

Contentment was something the apostle Paul learned and wrote about. No he didn't have the most cushy of lives, but yet he could say "I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need" [Philippians 4:11-12]. And the secret of that contentment? He goes on to say in Philippians 4:13; I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Someone recently helped me reinforce this lesson of contentment. After I had foolishly given the "if-only" answer to the above question, a wise friend replied with, "Well imagine the number of people that think... If only I had the opportunity to study medicine, or if only I were smart enough..." That was rebuke enough! Firstly, I realised that studying medicine wasn't that big a deal, personally. And if anyone thought studying medicine was "that great a deal", I would beg to differ. The grass always looks greener on the other side no?

Secondly, and more importantly, I realised how foolish it was to be grappling after other things, when God has graciously placed me in the position I am in. And I possibly was never thankful enough that I am in such a position. How silly. =/ Instead I hankered after the "if-only"s in my life. Desiring the fading, transient things of creation instead of worshipping and thanking the Creator with what He has given me. How foolish I am, in thinking that getting these would make me a better/more well loved/more secure person.

No... I'm not expecting a million comments to come pouring in and gushing about "Oh but you are such a fantastic person... you don't have to think that way" That would be false humility on my part if I expected that. Rather, I pray that you may truly find your identity in Christ, instead of your physical capabilities, just as I am learning to do. So that even if this all fades away in an instant, your assurance lies in the identity being the child of the one true, unchanging, living God.

Job 1:21b The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.

That being said. I think we should all stop trawling through friendster. Ain't good.

Delayed Cringe Reaction

-cringe-

Upon listening again to the recordings of a certain previous singing performance. There's only one action I can muster.

-cringe-

Serves me right for being bored enough to dig it up again. Looks like things don't ever change.
And how did I actually think it was a good performance then?

-cringe-

Maybe thats what the adrenaline on stage does to you. Distorts your ability to make judgement calls. But isn't there an increase in adrenaline when you are deciding to fight or flight. Oh dear.

-cringe-

Say-ings

Here's one to prove my neuroticism.

Some people wonder when they can ever shut me up. On surface inspection, here's an observation I made.

Times when I say absolutely nothing
When the person next to me says way too much.
When the person next to me is running.

Times when I say absolutely anything and everything
When the person next to me says way too much.
When the person next to me says nothing.
When the person next to me is more than a mere acquaintance.

Times when I could really go either way
When I'm desperately trying to impress the person next to me.

No wonder I say too much.
What does this say about me.

Hmm... does this resonate with anyone? Or am I seriously falling into neurosis =P

Punk'd

I like that word.
But I must admit, as much as I wish to become/be known as a prankster, I don't have the creativity nor the skills to be one. Unbelievable? I suppose it depends on what context people have come to know me. Ooh... but the adrenaline rush to be able to pull a prank. Strange.

This is what the world thinks of prank-sters. On doing an "interesting" survey the BBC has online, together with the character traits of high levels of arousal (need for excitement.. thrill rides, horror movies), the need for novelty and vanity (looking in the mirror), it also uses your tendency to play cruel practical jokes on people to score the likelihood and possibility of how faithful you will be in your marriage. Hmm... albeit the BBC does have some strange quizzes, one of which fitted me in a category of having an androgynous brain, it does set one thinking about the true nature of pranking.

I do question my motives for prank-ing people. Do I just do it to make them look dumb, and make myself look good? How often do I compromise someone else's dignity when it comes to cracking a joke to make the whole room laugh?

To all those charges, I answer : Guilty.

Its hard not to tell a joke at someone else's expense; its even harder to tell it at your own.

Maybe it stems from pride. A need to show up better amongst others? I realised that I'd received the wrong end of the stick whilst growing up. Didn't really occur to me, until some hidden memories, possibly painfully repressed, came popping up during Word Alive. Believe you me, it isn't nice to be made fun of, even the "harmless" jibing. Singlish even has a special term for it: "suan"-ing. Just goes to show how innate it is within our culture to do so. [-shudder-]

Maybe its time we put things into perspective, and question what we've come to accept as norms. Even "cultural" norms. I've always struggled with Ephesians 5:4. Just as Paul was admonishing the Church in Ephesus to be set apart, different, and to walk in the ways of holiness. He curiously lists "foolish talking and coarse jesting" as part of the many things we should put away as God's children. Have we been playing down the true effects of such "harmless activites"?

No this isn't me getting all holier-than-thou. I struggle with this as well! Especially in the words I say. But rather than deny and cover-up, lets admit to what it really is, and what it does do to others. And maybe we can gain a little more respect, rather than lose it, the next time we crack a joke.

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

Have a good April Fools... but take it easy guys ;)