Backlash

Don't you get that feeling sometimes in your life?

When you've been building up and doing all the wrong things. Minor ones. Tiny ones. And they all end up crashing on you all at once.

I think I'm there.
Again.
It really is a horrible feeling.

When I realised that all the responsibility that was handed to me was not fulfilled. I get that alot.

I usually find out I'm there where every single thing goes wrong. And I have a hard time dealing with the repercussions. Like those times when you are heading straight towards a wall and yet you don't slow down. Eventually you hit the wall, and wish you could crawl into a hole and just stay there, and not have to deal with the consequences.

Maybe thats just me.
Escapist.

And I get myself into a tight spot because of my own laziness / stupidity. Mom calls it having lost sight of my priorities. It happens in an almost cyclical fashion.

Its just so much easier to run away from my mistakes than to face them straight on and deal with them. My unwillingness might just be a reflection of not trusting that God can and will get me through this, and in admitting that I things have gone sorely wrong because I have taken matters into my own hands instead.

This is one long hard lesson He is trying to teach me.